I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize