I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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