I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize