I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
