mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
