Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
