I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize