my vag is so smooth its legendary
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
