OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
