i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
