You're my little dorito
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
