my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
