the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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