you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
