I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
