He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
