I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Found the puke drawer
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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