How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
