I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
