Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
of course. lets lasso hookers.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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