he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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