I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
