you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
