I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
