i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
