he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We had to coat check the pizza.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
