So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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