R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize
