My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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