hotel room ftw
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
