dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
