It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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