I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
