Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
