i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
