I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
