I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
