whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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