When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Drunk is not a location!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize