I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
