I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
