We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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