the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
