Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
