I want to stick my p in your. b.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
