there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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