Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
