i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
There are leaves in my underwear?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
There's even glitter on my cock...
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