I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
