The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
