I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
