Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
