I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
