Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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