k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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