Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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