matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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