He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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