see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
