I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize