remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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