I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
