Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
