How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
