just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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