I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
