I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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