hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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