Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
