Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
