Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
