Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
