i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
