Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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