i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
