I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
