I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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