it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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