Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
