so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize