Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
