i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
