I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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