u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
