Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
