hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
