that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
