His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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