I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
