you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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