how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize