I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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