You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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