Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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